Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Being Content but Dreaming Big

One of the reasons I started this blog was to help me figure out "what's next." At the beginning of 2010 I knew I wanted to do two things: graduate from school, and get married.

Granted, I had technically just graduated that December (2009), but I graduated early, and in Vocal Performance that's almost unheard of (side note: I wasn't trying to graduate on purpose, I just happened to take a lot of classes/overload during my freshman and sophomore years, and when I realized my junior year that I could complete a semester early and thus save a little money, I decided to work my ass off and do just that. I faced a lot of obstacles and had to petition (what felt like) everything I did [there was also a mix-up with the graduation program, cap and gown information; they still had me down for a May graduation even though I filed for December, so I found out three days before the ceremony that I couldn't walk. I was upset at the time, but now I don't even think about it]) so until I got my diploma in the mail, I did not consider myself a graduate.

At the beginning of 2010 I didn't think much about life after getting married - not that I wasn't concerned with my future, it simply wasn't the focus of my time and mental energy (pulling off a wedding with some crazy family dynamics while living 1,000 miles away took up the majority of those categories). I knew that I had a job as a nanny for at least a year, and hoped that B would be able to get a full-time job (which he did!), and knew that we'd live happily ever after. I didn't anticipate feeling anxious that I didn't know what I wanted to 'be when I grew up', or feeling frustrated that I couldn't tell what my 'big life passions' were. I just felt depressed, lost, in a seemingly never-ending fog.

I was lucky that B understood what I was (am) going through, as he went through his 'existential crisis,' if you will, a few years ago. His support, love, and challenges to remain content yet continue being creative have helped me immeasurably. Another thing that has helped me has been the blog Makeunder My Life, written by Jess Constable (here in Chicago!!). I've been recently introduced to her blog through one of the other blogs I read, and have been in love since the first post I came across. I felt like she was talking right to me about me! She has a page dedicated to the Best of MML and it was there when I found 'the post.' I was glazing over the post titles when I saw "What to do when you don't know your purpose yet." ! ! !  People actually talk about this?! I'm not the Only One?!!! Click on the link to get the full idea of what Jess is talking about, but in a few words at the top of the post it says "When you find yourself  lost in the dark...start feeling around." I LOVED that! The whole post I just kept saying "Yes! Yes! Yes!" to myself! It was exactly what I needed to hear. Listen to your gut, pay attention to yourself and what you're feeling, and be okay with waiting for the answer. I felt like she was saying "Yes, Sarah, you are in a time of transition in your life and it's okay to be waiting right now. Keep feeling around in the dark, and eventually the answer will come, and everything will be brought to light." And that, my friends, felt so good.

Check out Jess' blog, and also her incredible jewelery business Jess LC. She has no idea I'm writing this (or have any idea who I am. That's a little creepy, when you come to think about it, but hopefully she won't think that), so obviously I'm not being compensated to write a thing. I just wanted to pass it along so if someone else is stuck in a life rut, they know they're not alone and there are genuinely good people out there who want to help them, like Jess.

To close, I want to showcase one of Jess' necklaces that I am OBSESSING over:
It's from her Franklin collection, and it is Braille for 'Dream Bigger.' You can find the necklace and product info here.

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